Death of The Shadow -A play by Stefani Hid

Posted on February 4, 2013


Death of the Shadow

“We are weird actors for an absurd purpose”

A play by Stefani Hid



SHADOW: Shadow

KIRA: Twenty something girl, Indonesian.

ODO: Australian middle-aged guy.

ROBERTO: Old Italian Guy.

JANE: Kira’s friend, Indonesian.

SCOTT: Kira’s neighbor, Proud Englishman.



 (Kira is in her room, sitting in front of her desk. She is trying to write and think. It is past midnight and so silent and dim; all she can hear is the tick tock of the clock. She looks depressed and messed up. Shadow is standing next to her, both hands on his back)


KIRA: I’m scared to death. Taken over by fear, sometimes unbearable, like this time. Fucking shaking and palpitating. (Pause) They asked me what I’m scared of. I answered: nothing; particularly nothing. (Pause) Then they say I’m lying. A phony! (Pause) I’m a weird actor for an absurd purpose. But I’m not. I’m scared to find myself alive (Pause) I feel myself being filled with consciousness, the awareness of being alive. I have a mind and need to drive my self in this waste land of life. I’m going with all this uncertainty. I can find uncertainty in single things I do and it is like a dark humor. It makes me fall sometimes, as I can’t find the next stone to tap in. I’m shaking every day because knowing that I’m here. Feeling myself, my existence. The sense of my flesh. I’ve existed as I headed to nothing but nothingness. (Pause) Look! Purity is gone and this world is nothing but stupidity. People trying to ignore everything and getting busy to forget that they are scared, but I can’t because I’m too scared. (Pause)I think they do the right thing: ignorance is a way to survive since negligence means that everything is filled with spirit of living life. But still, I can’t; stupidity in another way is in me not in them. I’m stupid because I’m too conscious, indeed. (Raising up) It makes me trembling to know that pain always emerges and penetrates itself-sometimes latently- in every single thing. Transformed into many emotions from happiness, anger, excitation, fervor and sadness. And the fatal pain will happen later-it is quite physical, I feel this way because my soul sort of give up with this life and I try to give it away-the stroke of death. (Walking toward window) Look! We are all pathetic-or should I say, that I am, because it’s quite depressing and I do not want people to be depressed, even though actually they should be. I can see people writing beautifully about beautiful things, meanwhile I’m mingling with my own stupid stubborn mind that keeps demanding an accurate logic answer and trying-not really, but I’m trapping in it- to neglect everything- but sometimes it seems that I can’t. Or maybe it is not me. (Sobbing, her right hand is holding her forehead) Please. Save me.

SHADOW: Look at this girl! I’ll tell you about this girl. It’s her. It’s just her. I said ‘just’, because we are all nothing-do you believe in that? Well, I sometimes believe in that. It’s her. Twenty one years old mingles with sadness and simplicity that she takes as something different. No! Not that self proud kind! Now, she’s drowning, going into the depth of despair. (Start walking around) Everything from desolation to bitterness overwhelms and assaults her like a virus that has infected her soul, paralyzed her mind’s ability to feel happiness. This is something that she doesn’t like. Something that makes this life as heavy as thousands kilos of baggage on her back. Sometimes it makes her drifting. Tortured her. (Walking toward Kira) And when everything gets into her and makes her surrender, down on her knees, her nerves always start to pester her. Her breakdown makes her numb, almost dying. She always feels like that. (Whispering to Kira) Pain. It’s all pain and that’s why I’m here. I was born from the seed of pain.

KIRA: Fuck! I’m sick!

SHADOW: You are! It’s good for you to realize that you are sick! Everybody is sick these days. They’re dying. (Start walking) The walking, moving and breathing death.

KIRA: Maybe I should ignore everything. (She starts walking toward her desk)Doing a lot in my daily life, getting very busy until I forget that I’m living. That’s the right thing.

SHADOW: Probably, Dear! But it means that you become nothing. Nothing. You can’t feel anything. Merge yourself with the public, create such an abstraction. Living as a living dead and waiting until your death comes. That’s more pathetic I guess. But sometimes I love the pathetic one. Sadness mixed with a humor which creates a cold joke. A funny one but you can’t laugh about it.

KIRA: (Sitting) But I don’t want to be stupid. I don’t want to be nothing and then I’m dead.

SHADOW: Then, just be like this but without whining. Enjoy the tortures. There must be a pleasure in everything. Try to believe in that. Everybody believes that, many people are nobody, nothing, and they enjoy that. Rowing in the dark river of life, but never realizing it, because they know that is all: dark. (Shadow is sitting down on the chair in the corner of the room)

KIRA: Fuck!

SHADOW: I know you haven’t fucked for a long time and you want it. But saying it many times does not change your condition.

KIRA: What should I do? (Crying)

SHADOW: You ask me?

KIRA: I think I will kill myself.

SHADOW: Don’t you dare! But I think you are not brave enough. (Cynic)

KIRA: But I’m scared of death. (Crying)

SHADOW: Then don’t die! You still have your time.  I can still escort you. You know I will.

KIRA: I don’t want to die.

SHADOW: That’s better. (Pause) I tell you guys. Kira has some weaknesses about some things, things that make her go mad or on the contrary paralyzed- She reacts to such things differently, sometimes in a different ways to the same thing. I don’t know why, something is wrong with her body’s chemical, I guess. Let me list them, Kira’s biggest problem in life is her fear of her own existence, death and men-include love and sex. Her problems and failures in relationships, sex and love life make her always think that she was born alone and supposed to live and die alone.  We haven’t seen the latter one but you guys will see it soon- how are those things make her feel like her head is going to explode. And, oh yeah, she also worries every time about her writing, it always makes her anxious. And I am always here, accompanying her because she is anxious. I’m not going to help her here. I’m just watching her and staying besides her, watching the pain. Indeed, I’m the pain watcher.

KIRA: I’m a writer.

SHADOW: I know you are! Don’t say it many times, it makes me sick. (Cynic)

KIRA: I’m going to write, something big, a masterpiece, something that can be such a phenomenon. (Talking slowly)

SHADOW: Well, it’s better for you than merely whining and shaking. I don’t mean to be cynical but that is what is all about, that’s all you can try and maybe you have got it.

KIRA: Yes. I’m going to write. But how do I begin?

SHADOW: You don’t know? So, don’t begin.



(Kira and Jane are talking. Kira is sitting on a sofa in her living room, lazily with some drink; Jane is laying on the couch, meanwhile Shadow is standing behind them, listening, walking around the room, sometimes trying to throw words to Kira’s face, facing her closely and being ironic)

JANE: Hey, how are things? (Calmly and lazily)

KIRA: Shitty.

SHADOW: Always. (Ironically)

JANE: What happens?

KIRA: Nothing. Just those problems, you know. Everything that won’t leave me alone and keeps hassling me. Those things also come in my boring daily life, the usual pattern that tortures and bores me to death. I don’t know what is worth doing. Oh, bugger it!

SHADOW: Worth? Define worth?

JANE: That happens. Take it easy.

KIRA: I wish I could.

SHADOW: You wish.

JANE: What do you want?

KIRA: What do I want?  I don’t know, Jane. I’m just fucked up. It is all fucked up. I am totally fucked by those… Shit!

SHADOW: She is. She even can’t think about anything yesterday. Her brain starts to ruin itself. Destroying her every nerves. That’s more dangerous than a virus; soul.

JANE: Look. Many things you have got. Remember when you were an adolescent. Depressed and scared of everything for no reason and you didn’t know how to call it. You were so messed up and all you wanted to do was to write. Becoming a writer and publish your work. You did it, dear. You got what you wanted. And you must know what made you get that; persistence. You were so full of persistence and spirit at that time. Even when you were still trapped in your fear and suffered. You were neglecting it or, precisely you were going with it and doing everything to get what you wanted and finally you got it. So, what makes you anxious now? Is it because you found that becoming a writer makes you feel terrible?

SHADOW:  Or knowing that she’s a terrible writer?

KIRA: No, it’s not. It’s different.

JANE: And see, you always told me what kind of writer that you wanted to be. It’s exactly what you are now; not a popular one but you write something that if critics start to touch you, you will get good sentences from them. You wrote about your philosophy that makes you happy and that cured you. See, that’s exactly the kind of writer that you wanted to be.

SHADOW: Maybe, but I’m not sure.

KIRA: I am. And you said it cured me. I’m still sick now, that’s the fact.

JANE: Then, what else?

KIRA: Probably I’m one of those pathetic depressed and depressing people. But there must be a reason in everything. I know I’m bothered with life and all those questions. But people can forget about it by living a normal life. My life is misbalanced. There is something in me that hasn’t been filled yet. I’m limping and sometimes I feel that I’m only half alive, that I only own half of my soul. I really need love. I know this is kind of sentimental and sometimes embarrassing to say, but that’s the truth and you know that I’m always blunt and never fake, and also I don’t have a sense to feel shame anymore. (Sighing) However, it is useless to say it; you must know those men around me, they always hurt me, those dickheads. They make me sick. I’m just surrounded by idiots and perverts. I hate them. They’re all fuckin tricky and horny, it’s all because they are too selfish, and they just consider women flesh with holes. Ah, I always tell you all those horrible experiences. (Pause) But I’m lonely. I feel like that I’m desperately in need of company. I’m scared about dying alone. But you can see all the men here. All the men around me, they are crap. I mean I love sex, just like them, but company for life is the most important thing. People need someone, someone resembling or even similar to themselves, your shadow in a mirror that can understand you, help you and hug you when the stroke of death assaults and takes your soul away.

SHADOW: So, you are worried about dying alone now? Many people are alone and dying now, some give a shit, some don’t. So, where should I categorize you?

JANE: Well, it’s simple. Find a boyfriend then.

KIRA: Men are crap. I don’t want to go to the same shit hole. I hate them.

SHADOW: I just knew that you are also an androgynous.

JANE: I know it. (Sighing)

KIRA: What?

JANE: (Speaking rapidly) You hate life; you put hatred on everything because you are scared and you easily surrender and become such a cynic.

SHADOW: I’m cynical, sometimes, I guess. But I don’t hate my being and I’m not scared because I know I will be always fine since you people are always scared and surrendered. Look. I live because of your fears and I know that your fears, people fears, will always remain there. Yours, your fears, that makes no fear on me. If you lost those fears, defeated them, I’ll be the one trapped in fear. But that case is really extraordinary, so I guess I’m safe now, fearless.

KIRA: Probably. You’re not scared if you know that you’re heading to nothing and you’re so lonely?

JANE: We all are. But is there something we can do? Just enjoy, it’s better than torturing yourself. No choice. We’re all here because we got no choice. Be rational! Make a living! Don’t be reclusive. Meet a new person, a man. Try to find a good one. Try again. Anyway, have you seen your doctor lately?

SHADOW: (Thinking) Excuse is for losers but also for rationalists.

KIRA: Not yet.

JANE: But you’re still taking your meds, aren’t you?


JANE: Why? Don’t do that.

KIRA: The meds make me feel like an idiot. I can’t think straight and I always feel sleepy. (Sighing)

JANE: You should take them.

KIRA: I don’t want to. Look. These meds are not important. I must manage my life without them. Look around! You will see such a miserable world. People are starting to be rude. Everything is just messed up. So, I don’t want to contaminate my brain with this poison and become one of those stupid people who surround me.

JANE: But you need them.

KIRA: So, you think I’m crazy and need to be cured? Or I need to take that so I’m harmless and not disturbing others? Damn!

JANE: No! You just need to take them. That’s what the doctor said. I mean he knows everything about it, what’s good for you.

KIRA: He’s just like the others. Idiot bastard!

JANE: Well, I don’t know what to say then.

KIRA: (Silent)

JANE: (Silent)

SHADOW: Take the meds, girl. You will be mellowed, melted down.

KIRA: I guess I just need something new: anything to keep me busy and happy. I’ll get out of all these and start again my normal life like it was before.

JANE: Try one.

KIRA: (Silent)

SHADOW: People. They always want their mind occupied.

JANE: How’s your neighbor? That guy that you dated.

KIRA: Scott. He’s fine so far.

JANE: See him.

KIRA: Well, I will. Sometimes I can’t understand him, but he’s fine for me.

SHADOW: Scott is a different case. How can I describe him? (Thinking)

JANE: Yeah, see him. Anyway, you two have already slept together?

KIRA: Not yet.

JANE: You want that?

KIRA: I don’t know. He’s not the kind of guy that comes into my sexual fancies. But if there is a time in which we both want, it I guess it’s still fine.

SHADOW: Scott is too decent for her. She loves the kinky one, big daddy that loves spanking her.

JANE: How long have you known him for? When did you see him last time?

KIRA: About a week ago. Well, so far we just talk, not much though. We don’t have much in common, but his choice of movies is quite good. Not a kind of literature lover and graphomaniac. His hobbies are quite normal, like sports and stuff. But he loves to go to the bar, which you know I don’t, that place is so damn noisy and not comfortable for me. He loves that and asked me several times. Mostly, I don’t want to go though. I’m not sure he’s the kind a guy that I want. Sometimes I can’t stand him for little things like being so hyperactive- he cannot stand still, when we spend time together, we can’t just sit and talk and think, we must do something, watch a movie (well, about this activity he also feels bored, he said that watching a movie is an activity that he does all the time, almost for all his life and he said he’s bored with that.) He just wants to spend his time doing something, something that he finds really interesting, but he himself doesn’t know what kind of activities please him. So, he just chooses to go to the bar and get drunk.

JANE: That sounds not good. Almost terrible.

KIRA: Yeah, but it didn’t really bother me so far. Hopefully, when I know him better, I will find that he is not full of flaws either.

JANE: Hopefully.

SHADOW: You’ll see. (Arrogantly)

KIRA: I don’t care. I’m not sure though. Just let it go naturally. I’m not as desperate as you think to find my soul mate. The point is just that I need something new.

JANE: Yeah. A man.

KIRA: Probably. But like I said, I don’t hang my hopes on that- by seeing my experiences with many of them who were mostly crappy liars and perverts. I want the innocent one, but brilliant; Holden Caulfield’s type of thought with the intelligence of Pablo Neruda.

JANE: Haha! Good combination. But I think you’ll find that kind of guy in the field of rye.

KIRA: (Silent)

SHADOW: Or maybe you want a handsome, poetic and romantic type like Lord Byron?

JANE: Anyway, are you still in love with that guy in Australia? The one that you said a forklift driver?

KIRA: Yes, Jane. He’s so great. For me he is complete.

JANE: But he’s so far away. You two are still in touch?

KIRA: Everyday.

SHADOW: (Thinking) I know him.

JANE: But the one who is real for you is Scott. I mean he lives next to your place. You can reach him everyday. Look, I know you. You’ve been down that road before; in love with a man, but you can’t reach him. And like you said it’s tiring, so tiring that everything is only in your fantasy.

KIRA: Formerly, I loved that kind of me, because I know that I control them all, I’m the maker of my way. But you are right, lately I’m so tired since I’m not as crazy as I expect to be; living in the fantasy and enjoying it as if it was real. But I want something really real now. That makes me sad. I can’t do anything though. (Silent, sad)

JANE: Well, try Scott!

KIRA: I’m not sure it will work. I want Odo. I want my guy.

SHADOW: So romantic.

JANE: Well, he’s there and you’re here.

KIRA: He will come for me. He said he will, and he asked whether I want to wait for him and I said yes. Then I asked him “Odo, I’m not waiting for Godot, am I?” He said “No. This Godot will come one day” and he wrote me a letter that ended with a phrase “Act 3, enter Godot”

SHADOW: So, this will be waiting for Odo. Something after Samuel Beckett.

JANE: Do you believe him?

KIRA: I don’t really trust men for now. But there is something different in this Odo.

JANE: What’s that?

KIRA: I don’t know. He’s just different. But you know, he’s far away. He sets a life in there, everything; and I get my life here. I need a really big effort.

JANE: You should think about it.

SHADOW: Indeed.

KIRA: I am now.

JANE: But try not to preoccupy your mind to him. It’ll torture you.

KIRA: It does now.

JANE: You’re just impressed about him because he seems to understand everything that you talk about, but think about finding that in other men here.

KIRA: Again, you’re talking as if I’m desperately in need to marry soon because my parents are ashamed that their daughter remains single. I’m okay, Janey. Finding a man and stuff, make me feel tired. Better just let it flow whatever it goes.

JANE: Yeah. But don’t be sad. Choose the one that makes you happy. You’ve been so down.

KIRA: Everybody wants to be happy, if they are not, it’s total bullshit or maybe they’re stupid like me.

SHADOW: These girls are just funny; but here are the things that I want to say; I think there are three kinds of people in this world, three kinds.

Some people always whine about life, hate everything, put a comment and always sure, that everything should walk together with cynic. I found; when sober; this Holden Caulfield kind of character is interesting, since dissatisfied is a way to win. They lose, since life takes their soul and makes them walk in it.

Some people always feel happy; almost all the time and telling people that this is wonderful life, smiling and campaigning compassion. Be happy, mate! No need to cry. Some of this kind sometimes get down on their knees and cry-also. And make it pass. Make the show mixed between sad and happy, and always like that. But some are still happy and deny sadness. Don’t believe in it; but I’m sure they are shallow and already in a sad condition.

Some people always hate everything; in this case, there is too much hatred; worse than Holden Caulfield and very depressed- always tell people that they are depressed. Argue everything and always say “this isn’t my world” always feel trapped in the loneliness; and still tell everybody about it- nothing but hatred and sadness- Swim in the lake of it and enjoy it, enjoy the coolness of hatred and being defeated.


(Odo is in his desk, crying. Shadow is standing next to his desk, one hand on Odo’s desk, walking around a bit and sometimes throwing words to Odo’s face.)

ODO: (Crying) I think I will kill myself.

SHADOW: Seems that people want to kill themselves nowadays. It’s a trend. Epidemic. The plague of the decade.

ODO: Don’t ask me to do that! I’m lousy at it! Please! (Crying)

SHADOW: That’s life, Odo. See that. I’m trapped, you’re trapped. But I’m happy and you’re not. But I can change that; if I do it means I kill myself. I’m here because sadness always exists in people’s life, even if it is just a stack, I mean when it’s hiding, and will become thousand stacks that dissolved in your soul when it’s not hiding, when your mind remembers it and you’re not busy living, and also, you can find it in the life itself. Life itself always contains sadness. Always. There is no pure light, the happiness that conquers and kills it like leukocyte kills the infection.

ODO: Why we trapped on this kind of difficulty, anyway? I mean it seems very hard just to live.

SHADOW: Look, if you are the only person in this world you don’t need to work so hard, everything is just there, in front of you and all you can do is relax and enjoy your time until your death. But, this world is getting filled with people and all of them want to be happy by their greediness. We can’t avoid competition. People live by killing others and now you want to kill yourself.

ODO: Why things are always hard here?

SHADOW: You know better about the answer.

ODO: If I loose this job, I don’t know how to pay the telephone and rent.

SHADOW: Then don’t. Or don’t use telephone and don’t rent.

ODO: Fuck!

SHADOW: Ah, again! People are swearing too much. Well, I know it’s been long times you haven’t had that, but yelling it, doesn’t change the condition. Fuck this, fuck that.

ODO: (Handing his cell phone, calling Kira) Things are very bad here, honey-that’s why I sound so down over the weekend. I’m not sure I’m going to make it and if I don’t, I just wanted to say how happy you’ve made me last few weeks. If we met at different time or some other place it may have been different. I love you but I’m afraid it can never be. I’ll try to be careful but if that doesn’t work my mother number 612 355 788 65 if I fall silent. Please remember me well- I’ll never forget you.

SHADOW: She‘ll be worry to death as soon as she hears that message.

ODO: (Sobbing)

SHADOW: Change your mind. Death is so terrible.

ODO: (Rifle on his hand.)

SHADOW: Easy man. Think again. It’s so scary. I don’t dare to see it happens.

ODO: (Crying)


(Kira is coming to Scott’s place.They are sitting in Scott’s house living room, drinking beer and watching TV. Shadow is sitting on the other chair in the living room)

SCOTT: (Yawning) Hi there, stranger. Are you ok?

KIRA: Of course I’m ok. Why you always ask me about that! Even in the good condition. And when I said that ‘I’m not ok’, like last time we met, you didn’t do anything. You just ask and ignore it. So, what’s the point by asking that so many times?

SHADOW: Because you always look not ok, and Scott is trying to care but still he can do nothing to help you, because he must help himself.

SCOTT: Nothing. (Sigh)

KIRA: Weird (Whispering slowly)

SCOTT: I’m hungry! Let’s do something. I’m bored.

SHADOW: Second biggest epidemic of the decade: bored. Everybody is bored these days and that makes me feel not bored.

KIRA: But you just sent the taxi away and you said you can’t afford to pay the taxi to go anywhere.

SCOTT: I know but its boring here.

KIRA: Well, we can watch the movie.

SCOTT: (Yawning) But that’s what I do all the time.

SHADOW: Then do it again. You can’t do anything if you have nothing in your pocket. Happiness and pleasure sometimes are needed to be bought.

KIRA: No choice then. So, you want to go?

SCOTT: I think so. Let’s go to my room; I can’t stand the mosquitoes here. Asia is always being a dangerous place for Englishmen.

SHADOW: I’ll tell you guys. This guy is a proud Englishman but fortunately he’s not racist. But there’s one thing that makes him feel ashamed of being English: bloody boring.

(They are walking to Scott’s room in the corner of the living room. Kira is laying her back on the bed, Shadow is laying next to her; meanwhile Scott is going to the bathroom. After that Scott is coming out, dressed strangely)

KIRA: Are you going to work in an apple garden?


KIRA: You dressed like an apple garden’s farmers in the early of nineteenth century.

SCOTT: (Maniacally) I want to go to Colors.

SHADOW: He’s going to make cider.

KIRA: I mean, look at here in your room, it’s perfect. The music, the coolness and the company, the mood, we can lay down here and talk.

SCOTT: It’s not my mood. (Sitting in on the chair in front of the mirror)

KIRA: It seems that you never can have a silent cozy night at home.

SCOTT: Probably. But I mean, I’ve worked everyday, did my job and I just need to have some funs.

SHADOW: Define fun?

KIRA: It depends on what you categorize as fun. It’s fun for me here.

SCOTT: It’s boring.

KIRA: You can lie down and think, feel yourself. Here. In silence like this. The only condition you can feel yourself, in the comfortable stillness.

SCOTT: (Maniacally) It’s not me. Are you coming with me?

SHADOW: It’s not him; he’s thirsty of loud voice and crowd. Take him to the crowded concert, burn many tires, destroy cars. He will be not bored. Bloody English.

KIRA: No. I’m going home. I’m not in the mood to go to the bar for now. I mean, that place, it’s so noisy. If it’s just the bar for drinking and talking it’s fine, but it’s so noisy and many people go there. It’s just like a hectic concert. You love the crowd. I don’t.

SCOTT: (Maniacally) I love the crowd? (Turning his chair, facing Kira who is laying on the bed)

KIRA: Yes you are. You are someone who loves the crowd because you’re scared about your existence. You’re grouping, that’s what you do and what some people do. You scare to live, to find yourself alive and you’re trying to forget it by merging with the public.

SCOTT:  You feel lost in the crowd?

KIRA: I am.

SHADOW: It’s a choice.

SCOTT: I think the opposite way. I mean because of the crowd you can feel your existence, you interact with people and know that you’re existed.

KIRA: Not that way (Pause). You interact and forget and to be forgotten. Look at you! You always criticize things, like you said that you feel like Holden Caulfield but you merge with the crowd. And in there, you’re always being cynic about everything; when you go there, I bet you’re being cynic about the band, the place and people in there. And after that, all you can do is just drinking like a maniac and getting drunk. And later, you make me confuse. I know the sequence. Do you still remember last time you were drunk and robbed by the taxi driver?

SCOTT: I don’t really remember that. K, come on. Cut the crap. I’m just bored.

KIRA: You can go. I’m going home.

SHADOW: Nice choice.

SCOTT: Well, (Pause) Are you horny now?

KIRA: No. Why?

SCOTT: (Maniacally) We can fuck if you’re horny. But you’re not. So forget it. You’re weird, I don’t know what make you horny.

SHADOW: She wants her guy. The forklift driver guy.

KIRA: (Silent)

SCOTT:  Who is your Aussie guy? (Pause, thinking) Odo. That old guy, if he’s coming here naked with oil all over his body, will you be horny?

KIRA: (Laughing)

SHADOW: I bet she’ll be really horny and sweating like a rapist.

SCOTT: Yep. That’ll make you horny.

KIRA: No need oil. (Laughing)

SCOTT: (Maniacally) You’re totally horny with him.

KIRA: It’s not a matter of horny.

SCOTT: Later, you need to tell me, is he a good fuck or not?

KIRA: Why sex is so important?

SHADOW: It is, for the continuation of mankind and me.

SCOTT: What a question! Don’t be a liar. You’ll love that.

KIRA: (Silent)

SCOTT: What do you want then?

KIRA: What do I want? Nothing! If you go somewhere I’m going home.

SCOTT: You don’t want to go anywhere? You want to stay there, at your home for the rest of your life?

SHADOW: She’s simple, Scotty boy.

KIRA: Well, it’s not like that. I mean for now on. If you ask me now, my answer is I want to go home. And it doesn’t mean that I want to stay there for the rest of my life.

SCOTT: Where do you want to go someday?

KIRA: I don’t know.

SCOTT: Yes, you know. If I could take you anywhere in the world where do you want to go?

KIRA: Poland.

SHADOW: Nice choice. I’ve got some friends there though.

SCOTT: Why Poland? It’s a poor country and there’s a new breed now that is very right wing. Anti immigrant and stuff, they quite hate foreigner.

SHADOW: For me that makes it more beautiful.

KIRA: But it’s beautiful for me.


KIRA: Just beautiful. They’re old and beautiful.

SCOTT: In some ways they’re right. It’s like the Dutch politician, who was assassinated and said that Netherlands is full. Ah, I forgot his name. He said “We’re not anti immigrant, we just said that there are so many problems in this country”. Europe is like a bathtub; if you pour water into it too much they will flood over and everything will be out of control. Chaos.

KIRA: He’s Pim Fortuyn.

SHADOW: I know that gay guy.

SCOTT: Yep, that guy. How do you know that?

KIRA: I’m reading, Scott. You think that you’re the only one who know everything?

SCOTT: No, just wondering.

SHADOW: (Laughing)

KIRA: I read about him being killed by Dutch environmental activists’ bullets in Newsweek, couple years ago. He’s sexy though, tidy good looking, but he’s a gay.

SCOTT: (Yawning) He is. He almost won the election though. I think he’s right in some ways. Look. In London there are so many immigrants. It’s fine, but the matter is they don’t care about everything that happens in the country. They’re just care about themselves. Live in the Ghetto and say “Fuck England”. They don’t even speak English.

SHADOW: Listen! Englishman is talking about immigrants.

KIRA: Right. But Ghetto is something natural. It’s a natural selection process doing by the people themselves. Look. You’re white. When you go somewhere, you must be grouping with the other whites, and me either, I’ll grouping with some Chinese wherever I go. Probably. But I’m not sure I can be included in this natural selection theory.

SCOTT: But I admit I love some of them; the Indians people in London, they’re nice. I just want to say that some of them are adjusted so well. They’re fine.

KIRA: They are. This problem never can be solved. Racism is something I don’t understand too much.

SCOTT: (Sigh)

KIRA: You want to go?

SCOTT: You come with me?

KIRA: No, I’m going home.

SHADOW: Still, a good choice.

SCOTT: Why don’t you come with me? It will be nice going out with you. (Sigh) We’ve known each other for a week and I think you don’t find me attractive or something. Maybe you want to be with someone who writes poetry, loves poetry and literature and stuff.

KIRA: Not really that kind. I mean you’re fine. Don’t say that.

SHADOW: You’re not fine, old dude. You’re weird and unpredictable, I couldn’t catch you.

SCOTT: But it seems that this isn’t working. We don’t have something in common, I think. You’ll find me boring and vice versa.

KIRA: You said that, not me.

SHADOW: But that’s probably the truth.

SCOTT: Anyway, but if I love poetry, literature, philosophy and stuff that you really get into it; we can work out very well together, can’t we? Why you like those stuffs?

KIRA: I just like those stuffs. That’s all. I’m living with that. It’s all rhetoric, I believe that, however, this world will remain mysterious. Even poetry and everything can’t answer it; there is never be an answer, we’re all in the tube, running around with no end. Even a biggest and greatest idea can’t beat the world’s egoist grandeur. But by that, ideas and words, it does just seem for me that people are sensible, they’re sensuously sensitive. Their senses are living, living with all sense; totally living, not the walking death.

SCOTT: Mmm (pause) it can be true. But sometimes to live a life, we don’t need to think, just merely doing.

SHADOW: I already mentioned that before. There are three kinds of people in this world.

KIRA: Indeed. To be saved. Because thinking can make you kill yourself, but if you always think and addict to it, I mean addicted to “thinking”, you’ll keep thinking all the time. You can’t get out to it and suffer; the pain will suck into your bones. You definitely need some sympathies, someone in the mirror when you’re looking at yourself in that. To be united, so you won’t be defeated.

SCOTT: (Silent) Damn you’re weird! (Smiling)

SHADOW: You both are weird.

KIRA: I think I’m going home now and you can go. (Raising up from bed)

SCOTT: Ok. I’ll take you.

KIRA: Where?

SCOTT: Home. You said you want to go home. I want to go after that.

KIRA: Yes.



(Kira is turning on her cell phone and listening to Odo’s message; she receives that about an hour later. She is shocked and confused. She is directly calling him, and Shadow is staying beside her)

KIRA: What happens?

ODO: (Mumbling)

KIRA: Don’t do that. Where are you now?

ODO: On my desk crying. All I can think is about dying. (Whining)

KIRA: Don’t! Please don’t do that for me.

ODO: (Silent). Yeah. (Whining)

KIRA: I’m here. I love you. Please. Tell me what happens?

ODO:  I’ll tell you later what happened tonight.

KIRA: Ok. Please take care. I’ll catch you tonight. You scared me to death.

ODO: Ok. (Silent)

KIRA: (Silent)

ODO: Thanks for calling me, hon. (Whining)

KIRA: No problem. Anytime.

ODO: Love ya, hon.

KIRA: I do too. Please take care.

(Kira is sitting on the ground, her hands on her head and trying to control her breath.)

SHADOW: Deeper and the deeper and the deeper. So, you tired?

KIRA: People.

SHADOW: Yes, people.

KIRA: But I’m lousier than them. I feel so lousy. (Talking to herself)

SHADOW: I think you are.


(Kira and Jane are laying down on the grass at the backyard, Shadow is laying next to them about a meter away, this time he just keeps silent and listen, sometimes he acts as if raising eyebrow)

JANE: Look at the moonshine. It is shining down to us. I can see a shadow behind you.

KIRA: It’s full moon now.

JANE: Are you horny?

KIRA: I don’t know. But I don’t think about it now.

JANE: I usually horny when it’s full moon.

KIRA: You believe in that? Howl then.

JANE: Haaaauww.

KIRA: You’re weird!

JANE: Haha! You should be howling at full moon. Anyway, how is everything?

KIRA: Same shit different day.

JANE: Why?

KIRA: You ask me why? You know what I mean by shit.

JANE: Let me get to the detail. How is Scott?

KIRA: Weird.

JANE: You always say people are weird. You’re weird. Then, how is Odo?

KIRA: Depressed.

JANE: You always say people are depressed. You’re depressed.

KIRA: Whatever. (Pause) That’s people. I can’t say anything. Someone wants to come for me. Italian. Quite old. I hope he’s nice. Whatever. Age doesn’t matter to me, you know me, Janey.

JANE: Father Complex depressed girl.

KIRA: You’re wicked and rude.

JANE: No, Just kidding. But that’s the truth, right?

KIRA: I’m pathetic.

JANE: Anyway, he’s coming? When? You just told me once about this guy.

KIRA: Soon. In a week. Italian. Roberto. Loves poetry and book. He is ex-communist party personnel. 55 years old and still single.

JANE: Those all are weird combination.

KIRA: It is. But I’m weird, right? And we have talked for a while about many things and I think I like this weirdo.

JANE: Go for it then. Meet him. Have a great time. But 55, you’re crazy. He’s older than your father. Are you going to have sex with him?

KIRA: That’s not what I want and what I prevent to happen. He’s old 55. Love things that I love, then I don’t think he wants to fuck me like many young guys did. I want to meet him because I want a friend, a true friend. I don’t want to fuck. I’m sick that people always make fuck things so important.

JANE: Probably, he can be too old to fuck you. But he can be a pedophile too.

KIRA: I don’t want to fuck. I’m sick with these people. And if he’s a pedophile or pervert, I’ll kick his ass, really kick his ass. I hate that.

JANE: Hey, easy. Just see him and you’ll know what this guy wants, meet him. Tell me the story after that. When will exactly he want to come?

KIRA: This weekend. At noon. I take him to his hotel then we go around probably. (Kira is waking up, walking slowly around Jane, her hands on her pockets)

JANE: Oh, quite fast. I mean you tell me just now.

KIRA: Yeah, I got the news not too long ago too. It was last week.

JANE: It is such a sudden.

KIRA: Yeah. I don’t know why. He said he wanted to come and I said come then. I mean it’s fine with me anytime.

JANE: (Looking at the sky) Look at the black cloud. They are moving, traveling around for no reason and destination; it’s good, just be like them.

KIRA: Tell me something. Do you believe in God?

JANE: Yes. (Pause) No.

KIRA: Tell me! (Stop walking, standing on the grass next to Jane, her hands ties each other on her back, meanwhile Jane is still laying down)

JANE: I don’t know. (Pause) No. Maybe. I just know there is something controls this world so everything is in the right order.

KIRA: You’re a good person.

JANE: Why do you say so?

KIRA: Do you believe that if you do something wrong to people you will get that back?

JANE: I believe in logic. That’s all.

KIRA: Then why don’t you be free. Do anything that you want to make you happy and ignore other.

JANE: Hah? Such what?

KIRA: I mean why you are being a good person. Just be free, be wicked, mean and rude also to get what you want. People need to do that sometimes; you know we’re all fighting here.

JANE: In this case, I have a heart.

KIRA: But you said you believe in logic.

JANE: The logic is I’m happy to follow what my heart says and all I want to do is be happy.

KIRA: (Silent)

JANE: How about you? Do you believe in God?

KIRA: I don’t know.

JANE: Then why do you think about be free and stuff? You plan to do something?

KIRA: You mean something bad?

JANE: Probably. I don’t know what’s in your mind.

KIRA: No. I’m just thinking. That’s all. Seems that my mind is spinning around. I won’t hurt others too. In this case, my heart is telling me that we people are all in the same fate and should be united. Not attacking each other, that’s the way I see it. When we were kids, we did everything to be a human, a complete human. After we knew that we’re human then everything got worse; busy living for dying. And don’t say that I merely think about everything that way. It’s just that seeing people makes me sad; since they all want fake happiness and there comes evil. Well, I suppose not to call it evil. I don’t believe in evil. I just believe that human doing something bad, vice, because they’re stray; the death of their consciousness.

JANE: Oh, dear! You’re still inside the circle.

KIRA:  I know. (Sigh)

JANE: Are you ok?

KIRA: Yeah. I am. Are you?

JANE: Yes, of course.

KIRA: Why are you asking me?

JANE: Just wondering. You’re just (Pause) too much thinking.

KIRA: It’s not good, I know, and useless. I’m just so down recently.

JANE: Just try to take it easy, that’s all I can say and I know that’s all it is about. Look. There is a maze and we are all in it. We just exchange room, that’s all. No way out. Therefore, let’s blow it away!


(Roberto and Kira is in the hotel room. They are sitting on the sofa at the corner next to the front door, Shadow behind them listening)

ROBERTO: Oh, Kira. Shall I compare thee with the summer day?

KIRA: I think you screw that Shakespeare’s stuff.

ROBERTO: (Laughing dry)

SHADOW: (Laughing) this man kind a loathsome in some ways.

KIRA: Yes (Pause).

ROBERTO: Do you love his works? You said that you love poems and literature.

KIRA: I like some. But Shakespeare’s is boring and you make it becomes double tragedy when you said and ruined his stuff.

SHADOW: Hmm… Can’t put a comment, I haven’t read Shakespeare’s.

ROBERTO: (Laughing dry) oh sweet darling!

KIRA: I’m trying to be objective.

SHADOW: But remember, there is no something can be said as being objective in this world. Everything is as we see it; it’s all what we perceived.

ROBERTO: He is great. The pioneer. Darling, it can be said that he invented the language.

KIRA: Yeah, some of his metaphors are great to describe something. But I prefer Beckett.

ROBERTO: Oh, then I will be your Godot, so you don’t have to wait for anything.

KIRA: (Sigh)

ROBERTO: (Thinking) Beckett. This man is crazy.

SHADOW: Hmm… Can’t comment again, I haven’t read Beckett’s.

KIRA: No he’s not. Hey, let’s get ready. Let’s go out somewhere, I’ll take you around and we’ll have a nice dinner. (Smiling)

ROBERTO: Take it easy, baby doll.  We have plenty of time, more, more than all night.

SHADOW: I feel that something is going to be twisted here.

KIRA: Yeah. I know. I just want to get out and find a fresh air, look at something interesting.

ROBERTO: I come from Sardinia for you. I do this all for you, hope that you are not bored with me.

KIRA: No I’m not. You’re fine.

SHADOW: The fact is: she is started to feel bored. Don’t believe in opinion, believe in fact.

ROBERTO: Oh dear darling, it looks like you got a pressure. Are you stressed on something, baby doll?

KIRA: Nothing particularly. (Raising up from the sofa)

ROBERTO: Try to enjoy and take it easy, sweetheart.

SHADOW: She’s going crazy.

KIRA: Yeah, I know. (Sigh) Can I smoke here?

ROBERTO: Yes, darling. Go ahead smoke. It’s ok with me, but you disregards your health! It’s dangerous. Read on the box. (Roberto takes the cigarettes box and pointed at it)

KIRA: People live healthy. Do everything for their life. We’ll die anyway. (Looking toward different direction, gazing at the window)

SHADOW: If she can, I bet she’ll still want to smoke after her dead.

ROBERTO: I stopped smoking in October 1st 1985. In that year, also I read Milan Kundera, your favorite writer. (Thinking) You were born on that year also. So, I stopped smoking to celebrate your birth, baby doll. (Laughing dry)

KIRA: (Smiling dry) how could you remember all the history of your life? You often mention something with year.

ROBERTO: Memory is important for me, darling. Because that’s all our life, what happened with us in the past is our life. Life is formed by past.

KIRA: Yeah, right. So, after you talk about Kundera, you start to think like Kundera, huh? (Walking, Sitting on the sofa)

ROBERTO: (Laughing dry) Oh baby!

KIRA: (Silent)

SHADOW: (Thinking)

ROBERTO: Sweetheart! Look at your legs!  Slim and long! Well built, so beautiful!

KIRA: (Smiling dry)

ROBERTO: Italian always loves beautiful legs.

KIRA: (Silent, smiling dry)

ROBERTO: Your eyes. They look like there is something. Do you want to know?

KIRA: What?

ROBERTO: I see a beautiful girl, but there is sadness in her eyes. Oh, my baby. (Putting his hand on Kira’s shoulder)

SHADOW: (Laughing)

KIRA: (Sigh) lets go somewhere, Roberto! Let’s chill out! (Grabbing Roberto’s hand)

ROBERTO:  We will, baby! (Looking at Kira’s eyes, holding her)

KIRA: (Starting to light her second cigarettes. She can feel the smoke that makes her feel really at ease and she also can feel Roberto hand walking from her feet to her loin)

ROBERTO: (With his lustful breath starting to touch Kira’s breast)

KIRA: What are you doing?

ROBERTO: Just try to make you feel easy, baby doll.

KIRA: Man, look at your eyes! It starts shinning like a rapist. What do you want?

ROBERTO: Enjoy the time with you. Make love to you.

SHADOW: Here comes the peak hour.

KIRA: Hey, we’re just met and hardly even talked before, and then you came, then you want to fuck me. So, you come to fuck me like others scumbag perverts?

ROBERTO: I love it when you talk dirty! Don’t be so rude. Take it easy baby.

SHADOW: Wow. That’s loathing.

KIRA: Ok, let me take a drink first, ok? (Raising up from the sofa and walking to the tables full with bottle, backing Roberto)

ROBERTO: Yes, easy and enjoy but don’t take it so long baby.

KIRA: (Opening her purse and taking out her daily medicine, kind a diazepam, she is making the drink for two)

ROBERTO: Here you come, doll. (He is handing the drink that Kira gives, it is a good expensive red wine, 5 dollars every sip)

KIRA: Cheers.

ROBERTO: Cheers.

KIRA: (Silent)

ROBERTO: Come here baby. (Starting to kiss Kira’s neck, breast, while his hand opening the buttons, one by one, he is kissing her all over, many times, repeating it again and again until he is falling out on her lap)

SHADOW: (Looking at them, smiling and amazed)

KIRA: You sleep now old pervert. (Grabbing the chair in front of her)



(Roberto is tied up on a chair, sitting between the bed and desk, his eyes look drowsy, Kira is laying on the bed, smoking and looking at him, shadow is looking at them, thinking and still act as if he raising his eyebrow, at the end of it, Shadow start to feel worry)

KIRA: So, you wake up?

ROBERTO: (Silent)

KIRA: Hi, baby. (Waking up from the bed and standing in front of Roberto)

ROBERTO: What are you doing to me? Why you tied me up like this?

KIRA: Because you are old pervert, the scumbag pedophile.

ROBERTO: Why are you saying like that?

KIRA: You ask me why? You have double sins, you don’t even realize it. Or maybe you don’t have any sin at all. It’s double. Negative plus negative equal positive. You don’t know whether you did something wrong, so you’re innocent. Maybe I should tell you. Look. You want to fuck me. Hey, I’m probably at the same age with your grandchildren. Why do many people always want to fuck with someone much much younger, sometimes a child? This world is going nuts. (Shouting anxiously)

ROBERTO: You are going crazy. (Slow voice)

KIRA: You guys who are nuts, sick or crazy, whatever it is. You guys ruin many innocent. You all think that it’s so fun and full with great pleasure fucking well shaped young flesh. You just know that word; pleasure, and your testosterone drives you.

ROBERTO: This isn’t make sense. You exaggerate these things. I mean, many people do this, that’s human. We are human.

KIRA: Hey, many people do this? I know. That’s why this world is so terrible. Purity is gone and people become rude and bad, and behind it there is a pain. Pain for the lost one and it remains there to ruin one’s life. You said many people do this? You do that too. I start to fix this world, make it right like it was in the beginning, keep the innocents and I’m going to start this from you. Hope you like it. You must know, this world is going to an end, and you must participate to make it better for us all. (Kira is grabbing his short, starting to take it off)

ROBERTO: What are you doing?

KIRA: Just shut up! I’m going to cut and remove your testicles.

ROBERTO: Hey, you are going crazy! (Shouting, trying to move)

KIRA: I am! I know I am. But what’s your concern? You don’t give a shit.

ROBERTO: Please don’t! Release me, and we are going to talk! (Shouting madly)

KIRA: I don’t want to talk. Anyway, relax man. It won’t hurt at all. I promise. I know how to do this. Besides, I’m still boiling the knives; it’ll take about 20 minutes. Just sit and calm down now.

ROBERTO: (Starring at Kira eyes anxiously and strangely, he is breathing heavily)

KIRA: Don’t move when I remove your testicles, ok? If I make a mistake you’ll be bleeding to death.

ROBERTO: (Starring at Kira eyes anxiously and strangely, he is breathing heavily)

Please, wake up Kira. You don’t want to do this. Please think clearly and calm down. You will regret this.

KIRA: I’m not sleeping and I think you know that. I want to do this. I’ve got nothing to loose.

ROBERTO: This is not you. Yes, this is not you. You are sweet and nice, come on let’s talk, if you have a problem. I will help you the best I can.

KIRA: Just shut up and wait! (Shouting)

ROBERTO: You got a problem. Come on we can talk about that.

KIRA: Shut up! (Shouting louder) I don’t have any problem, but you have a problem and I’ll save you and thousands other people. You don’t realize that you have a problem?

ROBERTO: No. What is my problem? I have been so nice to people and to you.

KIRA: So, you can fuck them!

ROBERTO: Yes, maybe I have a problem, but this is not the way to solve it, ok? Please open this and you can do whatever you want. If you want you can also take all of my money and stuff. I will leave. (Starring at Kira eyes anxiously and strangely, he is breathing heavily)

KIRA: I don’t need that! People like you always think that you’ll save because you have money. It doesn’t work on me.

ROBERTO: Then what do you want?

KIRA: I want you to shut up and I’ll remove your testicles and after that I’ll let you go, ok?

ROBERTO: This isn’t make sense, you are crazy!

KIRA: Of course this is make sense. I want to preserve the innocents, and as the guilty one you must change and help me through this mission.

ROBERTO: You crazy! You don’t have to do this! I promise you I will change.

KIRA: Change? That’s more impossible than a miracle. Look, I wasn’t in a good state and I needed you to come, we could have a good time by talking and looking around. I thought you’ll make me happy, help me and make me feel easy. I want to feel safe. Knowing that with you, everything is going to be ok. But you came here to fuck me, that’s all. I can imagine that you’re one of those old pervert who is waiting in front of high school, starring at young woman in short skirts and targeting them as your next prey. Then you fuck them one by one, some of them get addicted-yes, because you already ruined them with such a lustful sin. And some get scare and get sick, and all that you got is pleasure.

ROBERTO: (Trying to control his breath) I am not doing that. I am not that bad.

KIRA: But what you did to me could be a sign that you’ll do something like that, or even ruder. So, I need to stop this.

ROBERTO: What do you mean by preserved the innocents?

KIRA: To keep the children clean. Make them innocent like they were and never growing up. Adulthood is rude as hell.

ROBERTO: Never growing up? It is impossible.

KIRA: It’s a metaphor, man. I just want to keep the children’s innocent and make them enjoy their childhood like they should. Children are pure and they are the best thing in this world.

ROBERTO: So, like a child, real child. But have you seen the Omen? The child in there is representative of the devil on this earth, the devil’s son and no one knows about it. It is all because innocence deceives people, covers the surface and leads into the bigger sin.

KIRA: Man that is a total fiction! You can’t make an excuse theory from a total fiction. That’s ridiculous. Kid, they just don’t know anything, they’re free. Knowing is something cruel, that’s what I can conclude. Therefore, Focault said “Knowledge is a power”, but sometimes power is so cruel, indeed, it even can kill you.

ROBERTO: Whatever, Kira. But please, this isn’t a sensible way.

KIRA: It is! Just shut up and wait! Try to respect my plan.

ROBERTO: I can’t! (Shouting) this is crazy. I can’t tolerate this!

KIRA: Seems that it’s almost boiled. Just wait. I want you to be safe, that’s why I make it sterile.

ROBERTO: (Silent, strangely starring at Kira’s eyes)

KIRA: (Walking to the desk and take the boiled jug on the table, then she is approaching him, with two knives in hand)

ROBERTO: Hey, don’t! (Shouting)

KIRA: (Ignoring Roberto and taking off his underwear) I need you to cooperate now. Just stay still and I’ll do this. If you keep moving, I’m afraid I’ll make a mistake and you’ll bleed to death.

ROBERTO: (Whining) Oh, no, please don’t.

KIRA: Just shut up! (Shouting)

ROBERTO:  You can’t blame this on me and put this only on me. There are many young girls and they are tempting; I admit that. I mean, it’s not my fault it happens. I mean, imagine if you are guy on my age, seeing young hot sexy girl, the young flesh, who isn’t tempting? Of course I want that, but if the girl doesn’t want that, I won’t insist. I am not a rapist. Is that wrong for me being old? Is that a crime? I am normal, a human. People have lust in their veins. Blame the age, blame the time. Why people are getting old? Old and lustful. The world is wrong because people are getting old. We are the victim.

KIRA: (Stop moving her hand, thinking) you’re quite smart, man.

ROBERTO: (Silent)

KIRA: You’re right man (Starting to stop moving, silent, thinking)

ROBERTO: We can talk about this. I admit you are right.

KIRA: (Silent, starting to feel anxious)

ROBERTO: Open this and let’s talk. I will help you and do anything for you.

KIRA: (Looks anxious, silent, feels regret. She looks confuse as if just woke up from terrible dream in a deep sleep)

ROBERTO: I know everything have been hard on you. I will help you, you are a sweet girl.

KIRA: (Looks anxious, silent, feels regret)

ROBERTO: Open this, dear.

KIRA: (Laughing)

ROBERTO: (Confuse)

KIRA: You think that you’re made change my mind. Ooh, you really touch me. You were so sweet. You think I believe in everything you said? No, it’s all bullshit. (Laughing)

ROBERTO: (Silent, starring sharply at Kira’s eyes)

KIRA: I’m still going to do this. Be ready, please don’t move. You also can close your eyes if you want.

ROBERTO: Please don’t (Whining)

KIRA: (Knife on her hand, starting to cut Roberto’s outer skin)

ROBERTO: (Screaming)

SHADOW: That’s not good! Everything goes out from what I expect. (Worry) we know something exists and possibly happens on human life; sometimes these things are as impossible as stopping the time, but when things gather on its precision, like time deals with motion, it happens as easy as you command a hand to clap, as fast as the blinking of the blitz, I can feel it; She starts to be incredibly happy, few pains remain and it starts to release itself. This is a magic, an incredibly weird case, seems things going in reverse. What the hell is happening? (Shouting)



(Kira and Jane at Kira’s place, Kira is packing, she is preparing to go, Shadow is beside them, sitting on the floor feeling sick)

JANE: You’re so frantic. What happens?

KIRA: I’ll tell you this, I just cut Roberto’s testicles and now I just feel that I have to leave. Somewhere that makes me happy. It seems that my nerves are going bad, I don’t know what I feel, and it’s just like blank.

SHADOW: No, you’re not. You’re just blank because you can’t recognize what you feel, something that you haven’t feel before, and you know what? It destroys me. I can feel my life draining away.

JANE: What? Tell me. You cut off his testicles? What for?

KIRA: Because he’s so horny like old pervert.

JANE: (Looks confuse, then laughing) you were just so upset I guess.

KIRA: I was and I am. (Talking while she is packaging and sorting her things)

JANE: Where do you want to go now?

KIRA: Leaving, somewhere far.

JANE: Where?

KIRA: Sydney, I guess.

SHADOW: Oh, Please (Whining)

JANE: You out of your mind (Confuse)

KIRA: I’m not. Roberto is still at this country now, I just don’t want him to tell the police about what happened and I’ll spend time in prison after that. I’ll die of being stressed and bored, even I know that I’m innocent, you know, many innocent people go to prison nowadays. Anyway, I’m just talking about this matter to you, only you. So keep this to yourself and I’ll go safely.

JANE: You so… I don’t know what to say.

KIRA: Then don’t say anything (Smiling)

SHADOW: I’m paralyzed, can you see it (Whining, shouting)

JANE: Why Sydney?

KIRA: Hey, I think you know the answer. I love someone there; feel lack of him to death.

JANE: You’re also going there to live with him?

KIRA: It’s not also, that’s my first purpose.

JANE: Are you sure?

KIRA: Never been so sure.

SHADOW: Please don’t give me that light, I’m dying. I can’t bear this light, keep and block it please. (Whining)

JANE: Are you sure about you two?

KIRA: Never been so sure. Look, put your hand in here (Kira is grabbing Jane’s hand and putting in her left chest) this is the sign, it’s very distinct. I’m never been so sure.

JANE: Wow.

SHADOW: Don’t give me that fuckin light (Shouting)

KIRA: Yeah so wow.

JANE: Have you told Odo?

KIRA: No, I haven’t. I know his address; I plan to go directly to his place. This way is more romantic, isn’t it?

JANE: (Laughing)

KIRA: I pursue my happiness. I can feel it.

JANE: (Smiling) you’re going to leave in this case

KIRA: Never worry. We’re going to meet again, I promise. You know I love you.

JANE: (Smiling) I know. So, let me just be happy for you. Be careful with love, sometimes it’s just an illusion and if Nietzsche still alive, he’ll say that ‘Love becomes the hindrance in the process of humanization.’

KIRA: And he’s crazy because of that. This makes me happy. I can feel this love, it’s perfect, balance, never been so sure. This is a good love that will live and support each other, extraordinary good love, this one never cause harm and kill itself, and I’ll go for that, I’ve got nothing to lose about this.

JANE: I think it is. I can see it from you (Smiling)

KIRA: (Packaging and sorting her things)

JANE: (Silent, thinking)

KIRA: (Silent, thinking)

JANE: (Looking at Kira)

KIRA:  Look, tell me something, do you also feel it?

JANE: What?

KIRA: Do you see a dark form? Sometimes it just comes and moves, between the wall, then disappears, and then comes again.

SHADOW: You said that just now. I thought you didn’t notice or just ignored it since it’s almost nothing, I mean you were so focus on your pain but now, oh come on you knew me, please save me. (Whining)

JANE: What? What is that?

KIRA: I don’t know, it’s just kind a shadow that you don’t make. I mean you don’t block the light, but sometimes you see that shadow lingers in front of you for several second then goes, disappears strangely.

JANE: I don’t see that (Confuse)

KIRA: It’s like a silhouette, silhouette of a child, moving around. I can’t understand this, but it doesn’t cause me any harm.

SHADOW: But you cause me harm (Whining) Please I don’t harm you.

JANE: (Thinking) so, it’s a shadow of a child size?

KIRA: Indeed, come and go.

JANE: Weird.

KIRA: It is. First I thought it’s just because sometimes I get hypotension so my vision sometimes cloudy. It happens also, often, from long time ago. But lately it’s just so distinct.

JANE: It could be because your hypotension. I get that also before, during and after my period. You’re too tired recently. Too tired of everything, physically and mentally, that can cause disorientation.

KIRA: Indeed, that’s what I thought. Well, never mind, this is a mad world, many oddities happen and sometimes we don’t know where and why it comes. Many questions don’t have answers.

JANE: Right.

KIRA: We are weird actosr for an absurd purpose. (Smiling)

(They are hugging each other)

SHADOW: Oh, you two in there please help me. I’m in pain. This is a real pain. (Whining)



(Kira is standing in front of Odo’s door, knocking on the door, after that she can hear Odo’s voice says “wait”. Shadow is followings Kira. He hardly can walk and almost falls down all the time, looks terrible, at the moment Odo opens the door, Shadow is falling down, laying dead on the ground)

ODO: (Looking at Kira’s eyes, silent)

KIRA: (Looking at Odo’s eyes, silent)



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